My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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