My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
