Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
