if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
