I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
