I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
