wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
