You made me cry and you don't even care
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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