i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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