I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
