Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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