After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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