Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
