I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
