I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
MIDGETS
????
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
