Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
