the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
