Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He better not be in your backpack
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
