Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There r osticjed everywhere
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
