So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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