Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
