I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
