It was confusing and full of hummus
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
