so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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