Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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