I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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