I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
