Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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