I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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