Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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