i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
