then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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