you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
