The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
