i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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