I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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