My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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