it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
