Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
