Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
