when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
