Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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