yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you traded sex for a burrito?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
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