your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
