Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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