I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
