Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
