we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
