mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
