i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
