I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
