im holly from the hills drunk
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
